If you’ve ever found yourself spiraling in the loop of “what ifs,” you’re not alone. Anxiety thrives in the space of uncertainty or in other words, those murky places where clarity is missing and doubt creeps in. “What if I mess this up?” “What if something bad happens?” “What if I’m not good enough?” These are just a few of the haunting questions anxiety often asks. And when left unanswered, they tend to echo louder.

But what if these “what ifs” aren’t warnings of certain doom, but rather indicators that something inside of us is asking to be heard?

The Purpose Behind the “What Ifs”

Anxiety isn’t always the enemy. In fact, it often tries to protect us. It alerts us to risk, helps us prepare, and encourages us to be thoughtful and aware. The problem comes when anxiety loses perspective or when it starts sounding alarms in situations that don’t actually call for one. That’s when the “what ifs” become less about helpful caution and more about avoidance, fear, and paralysis.

At my practice, we don’t shut down these questions, we get curious about them.

Instead of trying to silence anxiety, we try to learn from it. We explore whether the anxious thought is actually highlighting a value that matters or if it’s just a manifestation of discomfort with uncertainty. Either way, we don’t dismiss it, we answer it.

Honestly Answering the “What Ifs”

When a client shares a racing thought like, “What if I’m not doing enough?” I might gently ask, “Let’s answer that. What would ‘doing enough’ look like to you? Where did that expectation come from? And what would happen if you weren’t doing enough?” These questions help clients move from spiraling and into reflection.

Often, the underlying fear has little to do with the actual scenario. It might be about failure, rejection, shame, or loss of control. And when we shine a light on those fears, we take the mystery (and often the power) away from them.

Learning to Separate Anxiety from Intuition

A big part of this work is figuring out if the anxious thought is alerting you to something meaningful (something that needs action), or if it’s part of an old pattern that’s no longer serving you.

Ask yourself:

• Is this thought helping me move forward or keeping me stuck?
• Am I avoiding something because it’s unsafe or just uncomfortable?
• Do I have enough information to make a decision, or am I waiting for certainty that might never come?

If your anxiety is pointing to a real issue, like an unresolved conflict, a looming deadline, or a misalignment in your relationships, then it may be offering helpful feedback. But if it’s trying to convince you to stay small, stuck, or silent, then it might be time to respond differently.

Feeling the Feeling, Not Just Solving the Thought

Here’s the thing: you can’t logic your way out of every anxious thought. That’s because anxiety isn’t just a thinking problem—it’s a feeling problem. Trying to rationalize anxiety without acknowledging the emotion beneath it often leads to more spinning and second guessing.

Sometimes, the most therapeutic thing you can do isn’t to figure out why you feel anxious, it’s to let yourself feel it, without judgment.

Instead of asking, "How do I make this go away?" the shift becomes, "What is this feeling trying to show me?" And more importantly, "Can I sit with this without needing to fix or solve it right away?"

In therapy, we use grounding tools, mindfulness techniques, and emotion-focused work to help clients stay present with their internal experience. By making space for the feeling rather than fighting it, you learn that you can ride the wave of discomfort without it knocking you down.

A Practice of Self-Honesty

When you begin to honestly engage with your “what ifs,” a few powerful things happen:

• Your thoughts become more manageable because they’ve been acknowledged instead of feared.
• You gain clarity around your emotional experience, even when your circumstances are still uncertain.
• And slowly, you begin to trust yourself—not because you’ve figured everything out, but because you’re learning how to care for yourself through the discomfort.

This process isn’t about erasing anxiety altogether. It’s about building your capacity to hold space for uncertainty and show up for yourself with honesty and compassion. That shift from needing certainty to growing emotional flexibility is where healing really begins.

Final Thoughts

If anxiety thrives in the unknown, healing begins by learning how to live in that space, without needing to control every outcome. That might mean making peace with unanswered questions, or letting go of perfection in favor of progress.

The “what ifs” don’t always have to be threatening. Sometimes, they’re invitations to look deeper, to check in with your values, or to slow down and reconnect with what really matters.

And when anxiety starts to shout, “What if this doesn’t work out?”, you just might be able to respond with, “Then I’ll take care of myself through it.”

Because ultimately, the goal isn’t certainty. It’s self-trust.